Remembering Joe Dallon: Tango DJ at Firehouse Milonga

                A man I knew passed away this past week. He was the DJ at the Firehouse Milonga in Maywood, NJ, the place where I began my tango education. I did not know him well but Joe Dallon is a permanent part of my tango memories.

               Memories are strange things. Most people do not know that they are generated by emotions. We do not remember an event if it has no emotional effect on us. If people come into our lives and have no emotional impact then it is as if they had never existed. Joe certainly did exist and lives on in the minds of all the people he affected with his tango playlists.

               Dancing tango is all about creating memories and Joe helped many people make some good ones, including me.

               I have two memories of Joe, one of relief and the other of happiness.

               My first impression of this man was one of apprehension. Standing behind the DJ table in the dim light at Firehouse Milonga, Joe seemed like a maniacal wizard busy casting spells upon the crowd from his laptop.

               I was new to tango back then. Every time I had an incredible dance experience I would ask Joe for the name of the song that just played. I was apprehensive in approaching him at first but he was quite happy to share his music selections with me. This was a big relief and the beginning of my extensive tango library.

               Joe played what I would come to accept as standard milonga fare: a blend of the classics, nuevo and alternative music which were all new to me at the time. I went to the Thursday milonga in Maywood every week for a year and these songs were burned into my brain as what a milonga is supposed to sound like. Eight years later, if I hear a song from Joe’s playlist I can’t keep myself from humming along.

                My second memory of Joe is of his birthday dance with Walter Monteblanco, probably six years ago. Joe was leading and Walter was hamming it up with the embellishments executed with surprising perfection. The whole building was cheering for them and we all left there with an unforgettably happy experience. Their performance was a gift for all who attended.

                If you ever find yourself in Maywood, New Jersey on a Thursday night, stop in to the Firehouse Milonga. Joe won’t be spinning records but he’s still there in the memories of the dancers. I’m sure they’re all just like me, humming along to the songs that they first heard from that wonderful DJ, Joe Dallon.

               He will be missed.

A Kayak Hombre Christmas

               It is Christmas and I am alone. I am never really alone because I am a father and the lives of my children touch me wherever I go. This year has been a year of milestones for me. The biggest has been the graduations of my daughters from college. It took us 25 years to reach that marker but we did it. My oldest got her master’s degree just last Saturday.

               More importantly, both my girls are working. The economy is improving but it is still a tough place to find a good-paying job. They are making the world a better place so I no longer have to do it on my own. Thank God! That is a great load off my shoulders.

               And I am working. I am nearly penniless but I have reliable transportation, I am in good health and I have a nice apartment a block from the Ohio River with a nice desk from which to write. I haven't had a desk since I rented out my house four years ago. Life is good!

               I also passed a milestone in my career. With this current contract, I have successfully navigated the Great Recession and transitioned from cellular networks based on the T-1 Carrier system to an IP-based cellular network.

               I end this year looking forward to a new one with lots of possibilities. This year, my life is like a good tango and a good tango is always full of possibilities.

               It wasn’t easy getting here. I had to make a tough decision on where I would go as my last contract ended. I am thankful that I at least had choices to make. I had no choice in leaving Durango and that was extremely hard. It broke my heart to find such a wonderful place and not be able to stay. Not so with Fargo. Wisconsin was a difficult place to leave as well but I could not stay.

               I think I can stay here, though, in Wheeling, West Virginia. Maybe I won’t be in Wheeling but I’m certain I can find work in the Pittsburgh area because it is a big city and the economy here is booming. There are rivers here, great rivers with lots of character, and there is lots of tango.

               Lots of tango. Yes, that is very important. As I look back on the last four years as I worked my way around the country, I realize that in each tango community that I was a part of, there were women there who needed me as a dance partner. It is nice to be needed. In fact, being needed is a primary ingredient in the soup of life. It adds flavor; without it there is just water with stuff floating around in it.

               The best dances are with people you enjoy dancing with who also enjoy dancing with you. There is definitely the possibility for some of that for me here in Pittsburgh. Also, I’m not too far from Cleveland or Washington, D.C., and tango adventures are on my agenda for the coming year.

               River running is also on the menu. The Potomac River near Cumberland, Maryland, has enormous possibilities as a place to meet my youngest daughter for some canoe camping trips. I have a funny little boat called the Spanish Fly. It is a C-1, which means it is a one-person canoe but it is more like a whitewater playboat. Lately I have been experiencing a strong urge to take it out on the river. I had thought I was too old for this kind of stuff but I think that my hiking excursions to Ohiopyle State Park, home of the famous Youghigheny River, has rekindled my desire to challenge the whitewater rapids once more.

               Finally, I have been given the gift of writing another book called The Tango Doctor. It will be my third book and a chance to show readers that I can give them something good to sit down with for a whole weekend and escape into another world, a world that I created. 

               Writing a book is a funny thing. Once you realize that you have enough material to put together a whole story and start writing, it opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

                Okay, I am ready to set my goals for the new year.

               #1 on the list are more camping trips with my daughters. Next, I’ve got to prepare my body for a ride through the cold rapids without a boat. I have grown fat these last four years and I am in no shape to bail out and take a swim in a strong current full of rocks and who knows what. Thirdly, I will dance some awesome tango with the wonderful women I’ve met in Pittsburgh.

               This will be the year I finally get my Cisco router certification. And finally, I will finish my book, The Tango Doctor.

               There you have it, a Kayak Hombre Christmas. I am alone but full of the joy of the season. I am thankful for all have, missing all that I have left behind and looking forward to all that lies ahead.

Peace, Love and Tango

the Kayak Hombre

Dance Studio Tangueros

               Ladies, I’ll bet you are wondering who that good-looking man is at the milonga and wondering why he never asks you to dance. He is the Dance Studio Tanguero. He mostly dances with his students or prospective ones.

               This post is not meant to be insulting; I simply wish to make people aware of the role he plays in tango societies and in making tangueras better dancers. I risk offense in order to educate those who do not understand why these qualified leaders do not assume the same responsibilities of a community tanguero whose job it is to dance with all the followers, especially the newcomers.

               Also, as with everything, there are no absolutes; I am certain there are a few exceptions.

               The Dance Studio Tanguero studies the performance of his students at the milongas and makes suggestions to them during her next lesson.

               So far I have not seen the female equivalent, a Dance Studio Tanguera for leaders.

               The primary reason for this, I believe, is that men prefer to learn at group lessons and from dancing with as many women as possible. We do not, IMHO, usually employ a private instructor unless we are perfectionists but most of us are not. We are men, content to be lost as long as there is a possibility that we might figure this dance out on our own.

               Men don’t ask for directions or take advice and we sure as hell don’t take private dance instruction! We’re big babies.  We have a rattle and it is called machismo. It is a difficult toy to play with and we are always afraid of losing it so we guard it carefully. The last thing we need is to be alone in a room with another man fighting to hold onto the essence of our manliness.

               Women don’t have this same stigma. One of the many reasons they got into this dance is because they are curious about men; being alone in a room with one of them is just the kind of lesson they’d like to have.

               Until I began writing this blogpost, I believed that these guys were shirking their responsibilities but now I see it the other way. A dance with them is not a tango even if there is tango music. I have to imagine that with them there are few possibilities when they are teaching, especially for amore. Tango is all about possibilities. 

                The fundamentals of tango must come to them more easily than it does to the average dancer. I’ll bet they find it frustrating when others find the basics so difficult to comprehend. I think that, for these guys, there are only two outcomes possible: failure or success.

               So why do they do this? I do not know. I can, however, say that they are part of the scenery and definitely a positive force in the growth of any tango community. I have to believe that their reward and thus their raison d'être, is the satisfaction of their students and in living a life doing something that they love.

                As with any art, learning to tango is a lifelong lesson. Our goal should not necessarily be mastery of the subject but enjoyment in the pursuit of perfection. The Dance Studio Tanguero is a part of that pursuit. The lessons he teaches spread throughout the community and eventually all benefit from it. 

As always, for more Kayak Hombre, check out my books available on Amazon and Kindle:

http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371659630&sr=1-1&keywords=river+tango

http://www.amazon.com/Fear-Intimacy-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1492357790/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414080444&sr=1-1&keywords=fear+of+intimacy+and+the+tango+cure

You Cannot Lie to Tango

People are natural-born liars. There are many reasons why we do this but that is not the point of my essay; what happens to those lies when we come to tango is. Dancing is like writing and the writer’s creed is “to thine own self be true.” If you bring your lies to tango, they will be exposed and this is not necessarily a bad thing; it is how tango makes you better.

Here is a good example: “I can’t dance because I am fat.”

This is the falsehood that prevents many people from getting out on the dance floor. Your physical appearance is not as important as balance and emotion. You can’t be a slob and good hygiene is extremely important but how much you weigh should not be a factor in your decision to dance.

Tango is for adventurous spirits, those persons who get great satisfaction from getting to know the true person inside the skin. I like to call them soul-seekers. They are tourists in other people’s psyches. It is not enough for them to engage another person in conversation, they need to touch you, feel your emotions and experience how you move to the music.

Our passion is something we often try to hide from others. Those of us who do this have learned that expressing our passion is unacceptable; maybe we were taught this in school, at work or at home during childhood. Whatever the source, it needs to be let out and tango gives us that outlet. We may not realize it when it first happens but eventually it becomes clear that it was necessary.

There are many other lies but the one I’d like most to expose is this one: “It’s her.”

It’s never her. The woman cannot make a mistake in tango. I’m sure you’ve all heard that this dance is all about the woman, well, it’s true. If you are the leader and the follower fails to respond in a way you had expected then you did not give her enough information.

Maybe you gave her too much information. Maybe she sensed that you were too demanding and this caused her to become nervous which then caused her to miss your cue.

This is not her fault, it is the leader’s. As the lead, it is your responsibility to keep your lady on her own balance, to figure out what moves she is comfortable with and not to lead anything that is beyond her ability......and yours!

This scenario often encompasses another lie and it is the one the woman tells to herself: “It’s me.”

I often tell women when they apologize during the dance that they cannot make a mistake. They usually laugh and deny it. That is because they think I am lying. They firmly believe they are at fault and I think it is a long journey for these ladies before they realize that it is not true.

There are no mistakes in tango. To dance tango is to attempt to choreograph a song spontaneously with a partner. It is an ATTEMPT! It is not a commandment written in stone. There is no grade or score. Success is measured by how you feel afterwards.

To err is human. It is not a sin to be human. When you come to tango, cut yourself a break and forgive yourself ahead of time. You are here to enjoy yourself so don’t be an obstacle to your own happiness.

For more on the Kayak Hombre, check out my two books available on Amazon and Kindle:

http://www.amazon.com/River-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1453865527/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371659630&sr=1-1&keywords=river+tango

http://www.amazon.com/Fear-Intimacy-Tango-perri-iezzoni/dp/1492357790/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414080444&sr=1-1&keywords=fear+of+intimacy+and+the+tango+cure

What Is Tango?

               I am in a hotel room and it is raining. I remember a young lady with whom I had danced many times. She had dedicated herself to mastering tango before she was thirty and could execute molinete with perfection. Her boleos needed work but she acquired the skill in short time because she was a passionate student.

               I encountered her once after I had attended a workshop on musicality where we worked on dancing to the phrase. She asked what that was and I tried unsuccessfully to explain. She said she understood but I knew she didn’t; she just wanted to work on her molinete.

               I couldn’t explain it to her then but I think I could today after five more years under my belt.
               A phrase is eight beats. To dance to the phrase means executing a set of movements beginning on the first beat of the phrase and completing it on the eighth. Phrases can be strung together and a set of movements can finish at the end of the second phrase instead of the first.

               In this way, an entire song can be divided up into sets of phrases. This is one of the metrics judges use to rate a performance. It is, I believe, just one of the differences in how Argentines dance tango and how the rest of us do it.

               But dancing tango is more than just metrics and the perfect physical execution of a step. It is about machismo and femininity; it is about chemistry, attraction and heartache; it is about being human.

               A man needs to express himself in this dance. He needs to say, “I want you.”

               It is perfectly okay for his partner to respond, “Of course you do. Look at me.”

               This kind of exchange is frowned upon in our professional worlds and we repress our desire to express ourselves. Emotions buildup behind a dam of our own construction and we find ourselves looking for a release. Tango gives us that outlet.

               I’ve heard many Argentine instructors convey this facet of the dance but I think it gets lost in the translation and in our desire to acquire new moves and improve our molinete.

               Sometimes I get to the point where I feel like saying, “I can’t take it anymore; I must have you.”

               I am almost sure but not 100% certain that I’ve heard my partner reply more than a few times, “Yes, you can have me. I am all yours. I surrender.”

               The dialog never goes further than this and it is communicated entirely through the dance, never with words. The song ends and we part. At the end of the night I go back to my hotel and awake to a rainy day and the memory of a young lady working on the perfect molinete.

               That is what tango is.

For more Kayak Hombre check out my two books available on Amazon:

               

The Politics of Tango

               Politics is the practice of influencing people on a global, civic or individual level. As the new kid at work I must navigate the political passions of my coworkers diplomatically if my integration into the telecom tribe is to be a smooth process. My situation inspires me to comment on the political character of the milonguero community.

               The political appetite of tango dancers varies greatly but all embrace their particular passions with intensity. Fortunately the codigo de silencio keeps us from finding this out until we have become fast friends in spite of our differences.

               Discussion about what we keep near and dear to our hearts has a potent appeal and is marketed heavily in this day and age of talk radio, 24 hour news channels and an infinite number of websites. That is not where you will find the milonguero; he or she thinks talk is cheap.  

               To them a job is not merely a source of income, it is a means of personal expression. They became teachers, lawyers and doctors because they followed their heart into their profession. They are painters, musicians and yes, some are even dancers. Tangueras and tangueros don’t just pay lip service to the causes they support, nor do they argue much about changing the world: they just do it.